Thursday, January 31, 2008

take an armful. make a treat.

Wow. When the employees of Institutional Assessment & Analysis arrived at our office this morning, there was a little surprise waiting for us. In the form of a note, left on the keyboard of one of our student desks, that read as follows:
Please don't eat popcorn here. You always drop 2-3 kernals.

The obvious author is the custodian assigned to cleaning our little office suite. I have to say I am amazed by this note. I mean, it takes a lot of gumption to write a request that basically could be paraphrased, "Please don't make me do any work for my job." Is this guy kidding? I'm assuming it's a guy based on the hand-writing. Yay gender stereotypes. But how do you have a job where the entire premise is based upon cleaning up messes, and then complain about the existence of a mess?? Doesn't he know those popcorn kernels are paying his BILLS? We start being clean freaks and you're out of a job pal. I know there are currently at least three custodians assigned to this building; without a rogue kernel or two making its way to the floor I'm sure they could downsize. And who would be the first to get the axe? Well, the guy begging for less work, obviously. Furthermore, I'm intrigued by his specificity--2-3 kernels a day? Has he been keeping a tally, finding means and standard deviations? I'd love to see his Popcorn Droppage Bell Curve. I think one thing is quite telling, though: "kernals." Note the A. I guess maybe he shouldn't set his sights too high above that career in custodial work.

Today I am more excited about a Relief Society activity than I've ever been before. Not that that's really indicative of much, I mean an excitement level of 12% would probably be higher than I've ever previously been about a Relief Society activity. But I am really legitimately looking forward to this. We're going to the BYU Museum of Art and having a tour guided by Martha Peacock, Ph.D./member of the Sharon 5th Ward. I had her as a professor my freshman year of college for a General Ed class (art history, as you may have guessed) and still consider her to be the best teacher I ever had. As in, so so good at the act of teaching. Not that she was the one I was closest with, or loved most, or was most inspired by, but just plain best at teaching. And tonight I get an hour or more of her talking about art! Lucky me.

If you're not Mormon, and don't know what Relief Society is, why it's only the oldest women's organization in the world. It's been doing all kinds of good since St. Patty's Day 1842. Charity never faileth.

I can't wait to make so many messes in my office today.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

it's the network

You see this?

Well I know what you're thinking--"that looks like buckets of fun!" First of all, you're accidentally confusing the Busy Ball Popper® by Playskool with Mr. Bucket®, by Milton Bradley. It's an easy mistake; balls do pop out of his mouth. Secondly, the Busy Ball Popper is not nearly as fun when in place of that pink ball, it has a Samsung A930. Imagine it looking something like this:
And imagine that phone is yours, and wedged quite tightly in above location, and is ringing. Thanks a lot, Kyle the baby.

Actually it wasn't that big of a problem, after a little disassembly and various forms of shaking, hitting, pounding, jiggling, etc. it came out no worse for the wear. And the good thing is it gave me a chance to flex my Photoshop muscle.

Speaking of my phone, though, I accidentally left it at home when I came to work today. And you know how it is when you are away from your phone for a long time: there is no disappointment like coming back to it and seeing you missed not even one call or text. So this is call to action! If you know me, and know my phone number, send me a text or call and leave me a voicemail so I can be so so happy when I get home. I realize this is an entirely selfish plea...I'm okay with that. It would be so kind of you though!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

if you catch me at the border I got visas in my name

I realized today that vanilla is the lime of the dessert world. There is not a dish that a hint (or more) of lime does not improve--at least that I have encountered--;such is the case with vanilla and all things sweet. Holy punctuation! That's how I meant it though. I'm so glad that I have a giant bottle of McCormick Pure Vanilla Extract in the cabinet over the sink, not imitation mind you, and that I have an even gianter bottle of Private Selection* Vanilla Syrup. Invest in these two items and you'll never be left missing that certain something for your sweet tooth again.

Speaking of lime, for claiming to be the expert on all-things-pie, Marie Callendar's Key Lime Pie is severely lacking in both texture and flavor. And is way overdone on whip cream. Whipped cream? Anyway, Rumbi's where it's at.

In case you've been wondering whether I managed to acquire a pair of jeans from Urban Outfitters for $9.99 this weekend, the answer is an enthusiastic yes!

*I had to go over to my pantry and look at the bottle to see who made this stuff. Private Selection? Take themselves a little seriously, do they?

Friday, January 25, 2008

what. what.

And here it is: my very first totally public, all-access blog. One that will not be solely devoted to physical maladies. I'm excited, you're excited. On with it.

The first thing I need to talk about here is mold. Or mould, if you're a limey. This morning found me wanting to drink some juice, as mornings often do. Unfortunately this craving came immediately after I brushed my teeth, and I knew that combination of Crest + cranberry was not going to be the delicious delight I so hoped for. No problem, thought I, I'll simply bring it into work with me and wait until the minty freshness has worn off so that I can enjoy my juice properly. I filled my hospital thermos (shout-out to scoliolioliosis) with 500 mL of Ocean Spray and went on my way. Approximately 17 minutes later I'm in my office and ready for refreshment. I go to take a big gulp of juice, only to discover that nothing comes through the straw. My first thought was that the straw was too tight against the bottom of the thermos, and the juice couldn't squeeze through. I yanked it up a little bit and went for another drink, only to find the straw dysfunctional again. Now I don't claim to know anything about Science, and that should be obvious by my next theory--that the lid was sealed on so tightly to the thermos, and my mouth sealed around the straw, and somehow the lack of air flow made the straw un-workable. I was operating under the poke-a-second-hole-in-the-can-to-make-substanceX-pour-nicely principle. So I twisted off the lid and had another go at it--still nothing. Only then did it occur to me to check the straw itself for any impediment, and there, to my horror, was a solid inch of multi-colored mold lodged in the bottom section of the straw. Siiiick. I threw it in the garbage immediately, and considered doing the same with the juice, but I just couldn't let that much cranberry go to waste. It still tasted fine. I think I'll be okay, health-wise. I mean don't they make medicine out of that stuff sometimes? It's very likely I completely made that up. Anyway my point is mold is gross, cranberry juice is not.

In other news, I had my first sewing lesson last night. A few weeks ago I bought this beauty at Target:

for the low low price of $24.98. Since then it's just sat cutely on various surfaces in my apartment, but last night it became fully operational. My lesson was supposed to be only an hour but I was way too into it to let my teacher leave at that point. We were just getting to the good stuff. Now I can tell you all about seam allowance and reverse stitching and I even know what bobbin means. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. Soon I am going to be a sewing MACHINE! Get it? Hilarious I know. Sorry if I already made that joke to you earlier today.

Ummm my url and blog name come from a Huey Lewis and the News song. What the?