Wednesday, September 3, 2008

fah who for-aze

I kind of love that emotions sometimes cause real physical reactions. It seems like the best form of validation of them, like "hey no you can't dismiss my feelings--see this salty discharge all over my face? These things are real!" And sure there are the obvious things like how we laugh when someone says something hilarious or how our lower lip sticks out and droops a little when the stores run out of Cadbury mini eggs the day after Easter. But even those feel a little conditioned, a little too voluntary. Like if I am mad at the hilarious person because he ate my last Cadbury mini egg, regardless of how funny his joke was, I can make myself not laugh. Other times though, the psychology trumps the physiology, and emotions overpower the body, and it doesn't matter how much you tell yourself you need to eat because you haven't in twelve hours, your broken heart just won't allow it. Or you really wish all those sudden little bumps on your arms would just lie flat and stop alerting the whole world that you're super excited to be having a flirty little conversation with that guy, finally. But it's a futile effort. Sometimes emotions take over.

And lately the weather has finally, finally cooled down, and the mornings smell like Christmas, and Timpanogos has its first sprinkling of snow, and the next time I have a day off work it will be for Thanksgiving. And the past few days as I sit at my desk and think of these things, and think of the drives through the canyon to look at fall leaves and the unplanned parking lot snowball fights and the football games and the trick-or-treaters and the baking and decorating and loving and all of these things that are headed my way, I just can't help it. My breath catches for just a second and then suddenly I inhale so quickly and deeply that my lungs are just about to explode and I get a miniature oxygen high and it's as though my body needs all that excitement that is in the air to be inside me, immediately. And I don't choose to do it but it just happens, and every time it thrills me to see how a feeling announces its presence so blatantly, making sure the rest of me doesn't miss the fact that my heart is so delighted.

It's coming--it's coming!


Ethan T said...

Well put.

"it doesn't matter how much you tell yourself you need to eat because you haven't in twelve hours"

That's pretty much never my problem.

Sometimes I wonder if people notice my goosebumps during movies, or in the car when listening to the right song at the right time.

Janae said...

I'm glad you have a positive take on the physical reactions to emotions, because my feelings on that are pretty negative right now. Seeing as you can probably hear me breathing in when you are all the way across the room.

I love every word of your second paragraph in this blog. Just wanted you to know, it's beautiful. :)

kristen said...

the department stores should hire you for a "winter holidays" viral marketing campaign. would be much more effective than the xmas trees and tinsel they put up in late summer.

Ems said...

I love that you feel that way about the oncoming weather...root root for those of us who don't like our faces melting off all the time.

Astrid said...

I love you for writing this. Not only because it was beautifully written, but also because I love to hear from you. Love you!

Joy said...

Wow deep! May I have your permission to quote you on our blog? Because for the last week or so, with the cooler weather, I have been so excited but I have had no idea how to express my anticipation of autumn/halloween, and you just hit the nail on the head. So just wondering if you would be offended if I included a Tracy quote on our blog!