Saturday, April 5, 2008

into the future

This morning a woodpecker was pecking away on my chimney. It came in short bursts of staccato, like I was either under gunfire or receiving an urgent message in morse code. I think I don't have to tell you that this was an incredibly annoying event, especially to be taking place before my alarm clock went off. He just kept pecking and pecking, not giving up, determined to build his new nest (is that why woodpeckers make holes? I don't know) in my chimney.

The thing about my chimney, though, is that it's made out of metal.
What an idiot.

Before this morning, yesterday to be specific, I was on a walk (from my office to my car) and noticed a girl in front of me eating a banana. It looked to be just the perfect ripeness, and I was quite jealous of her, as I was in the mood for an afternoon snack and bananas are quite possibly the world's perfect food. Just ask Miss Chiquita. So I kept close on her tail, lest she be struck by a sudden desire to share (sharing is caring), but she decided on a different course of action instead. Right in front of my eyes, she dropped the peel of said banana right in the middle of the sidewalk. At first I was bothered--who would so carelessly toss their garbage right to the ground as soon as it is inconveniencing them, despite the presence of a perfectly functional trash can not twenty feet ahead? But then I had a second thought--maybe she's not a litterbug. Maybe she's just a student of comedy. If cartoons and Mario Kart have taught us anything, I think it's that there is little in life funnier than somebody slipping on a discarded banana peel. I'd like to think that after
nonchalantly walking a few more steps away, the girl hid behind some bushes giggling to see someone fall prey to her clever trick. Man, just thinking about that possibility makes me laugh. I mean, look at this image! Hilarious! It even looks like she got one of those jerks from the business school!

Note: Contrary to popular belief, not every male business student at BYU is a jerk. I'm lookin' at you, Kirk.

11 comments:

kristen said...

wait, that's barack obama right?

Pace said...

I think litter for comedy or not is offensive and rude you should've punched her

Mom said...

Maybe you should have said you were under sniper fire, and then you could have just said you "mis spoke."
Woodpeckers can be very annoying and cause damage. Are any parts of your house wood? I hope he will soon tire of bening his beak by pecking on metal and move on.
I don't like litter bugs either. I was thinking we were going to hear about another student being "corrected" by you. I love those stories.
I know many nice business school graduates.

Anonymous said...

Woodpeckers go after bugs...hum, have some in your chimney, eh? We've had several episodes with the delightful creatures. Just the other day I was looking through the binoculars into our backyard watching a woodpecker in a tree. MaCheney

Brad said...

I was thinking that the girl was going to have dropped the peel with part of the banana still in it and that your wish of eating it was going to have been fulfilled. (How's that for conjugation?)

Kyle said...

ba-zing!

Expavesco said...

"not every 'male' business student at 'BYU' is a jerk"

But they do have 2 strikes against them!
Ha cha!

Betancourt Family said...

I was thinking that both stories were going to have different results but I think that what really happened was even funnier. Way to have a positive attitude!

Tracy said...

Hey, hey! How random about you and Odie being in the same stake. Small, small world. How is everything going? You're still in Provo, right? Life is good? Hope all is well dear Tracy...

Anonymous said...

Tracy,

I know a good way to solve your woodpecker problem. We had a similar problem in NC you may recall. There is really very little pain associated with it - if you are accurate.

Dad

T.R. said...

I love calling animals idiots.

 
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