closer than that

I have to hurry and spill every last drop from my fingers before I forget anything. I think cold air is so much better at penetrating my lungs than warm and I've been trying so hard for so long to breathe, really breathe, and finally tonight it happened. I ran and ran and ran until everything hurt and no it doesn't take too much running for everything to hurt on me but it doesn't matter, it was just the right amount, and as soon as it was enough I ran back home and flung my lanky lank onto the trampoline and turned Low up high in my ears. And the wind blew one direction and I smelled pumpkins and it blew the other and I smelled apples and then it turned out the wind had one more direction to blow so it did and the pile of leaves that Miranda and Bradley had been playing in covered my face and my arms and my lanky lank and just for kicks the wind blew a walnut off the tree and onto my shin but it didn't even hurt, it was a kiss on the shin. And maybe there are some big changes happening right now and maybe there is so so much I don't know but the lucky thing about life is that there are only a few things that actually even matter and those ones I do know and those ones I do have. And I realized that if a night and a life can be absolutely perfect all by myself on the trampoline under the walnut tree breathing really breathing then maybe everything is a lot better than I pretend it to be and maybe there really is so much wonder and magic and maybe I have just as much right to marvel at it as anyone else.

Phew. I remembered.