Tuesday, March 18, 2008


I've got a thing or two to discuss with you, Utah.

Item 1: Traffic. So you finally recognized what we've all known for ages, that the traffic in Utah Valley has gotten absurd. Apparently you thought the answer to this was installing a metering light at the Orem Center Street entrance to I-15. One car per green, eh. That's sure to clear things right up. I'm not sure about the status of University Parkway, 800 North, and 1600 North's entrances. I know Provo Center Street has remained intact. I was pretty annoyed about having to pause before I merged the other day, but really it's just an indication of a problem that was already there, nothing that new. But is this really the best solution you could come up with?

Item 2: Ice cream. Seriously, residents? You can keep Leatherby's, Cold Stone, Baskin Robbins, Coney's, the Malt Shoppe, Hogi Yogi, Provo Fro-Yo, Dairy Queen, the Creamery, and Sub Zero in business, but you cannot sustain one little Ben & Jerry's? Don't you know this was the best ice cream you had going for you? Now this one I feel some personal responsibility for. I won't lie, there have been times when I've thought, "man, a scoop of Sweet Cream and Cookies with hot fudge sure sounds delicious right now," and haven't acted on that impulse. Shame on me. I should have never failed you, Ben & Jerry's. I'll never forget the joy you brought to my life when you opened up within walking distance from my apartment at a time when I didn't have a car. I'm sorry my loyalty wasn't strong enough. I should have been in line every week. But to an even greater extent, shame on Utah County for apparently opting for any other of the multitude of ice cream shops here over the one that was clearly the best, and is now gone.

Item 3: D-League basketball. Sorry Utah Flash, but I'm not sure your best marketing is in flaunting how Morris Almond used to be in the NBA, and now he plays for you. League leading scorer though he may be, it still puts far too much emphasis on his demotion. You might as well put up a billboard that says, "These guys are worse than the basketball you already know and love! Come check them out!"

You can go ahead and get back to me when you've come up with viable responses to the above matters. I know you've got it in you, you can work like honeybees after all. Let's keep our deseret lovely.


Mom said...

If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you!
(I just wanted to start with a state motto too.)
1. I have never been a fan of lights at interstate merges. They seem to make drivers more confused.
2. Though I can't eat at Ben and Jerry's because I can't afford the calories, it makes me sad to think that it isn't there any more. What good is will power if there is nothing to resist?
3. Let's think of another marketing campaign for the Flash. I'll start - Morris Almond - what a nut!

Joy said...

Ah, like mother, like daughter! :) I would like to say a big fat AMEN to everything that you have stated here, Tracy. The traffic around here is awful, and the metered lights will just add to the high number of car accidents that occur in this county of reckless driving. And I was seriously thinking the same thing about the Morris Almond billboard-- I even chuckled when I saw it. And I agree that Ben and Jerry's should not have been booted; most of the other places are so nasty, dirty, and old that I can't even walk into the place (namely Leatherby's and The Malt Shoppe)! Baskin Robbins is dirty and old, too, but I can't resist the ice cream!

kristen said...

hahaha, this makes me think of the former hockey team in macon, georgia. the macon whoopees. indeed.

you must be a city girl at heart. onward, i say, against the suburban vices! the suvs, the parking lots, the fast food, the insularity, the corporate culture, the invisibility of the poor, and closing of the american mind.

Brad said...

They do have the metered lights up on 1600 North, I've noticed, although, they're not actually functioning yet. I think they're fine.

Good call on the state motto, Mom. :D

Tiffany said...

What really bugs me about the traffic lights is that we have potholes on the freeway and University Parkway barely exists anymore down by Walmart. Call me dumb but improving transportation should start with the road!