the fourth, the fifth

It's difficult for me to acknowledge that the most moving and introspective experience I had on my recent trip to southern Utah took place in a pet cemetery. I'm not even into animals that are owned by people who aren't scientists. Most especially the three types most prominently represented at Angels Rest. Angels Rest, no apostrophe. Which makes the second word a verb, not a noun, which makes the name entirely more interesting. Most likely it was also entirely unintentional, but I'll forgive them their oversight since it works so well for their purposes. Obviously the beauty of the moment had nothing to do with being surrounded by graves and ashes of dogs and cats and birds, and everything to do with being in a place with the sun shining on me and vibrant colors as far as I could see and desert plants somehow thriving and the perfect amount of wind simultaneously causing the perfect amount of quiet and noise. And most of all, this glorious and awesome (and by that I do mean awe-some, old school definition) music resonating to me and through me from every direction, creating harmonies so lovely it was painful, gah, I had no idea harmonies and tones like that existed. I don't even want to say what the source of the music was because I feel like that would demean it; once I said what it was then everybody would think of their own experiences and think they understood but they wouldn't, it wouldn't suffice, it was more than that. Supposedly Vladimir Lenin said something about Beethoven's Appassionata, that he couldn't listen to it too often because it made him want to say kind things and stroke the heads of his enemies instead of beating them. This was music capable of such feats. I may have lived the most peaceful 30 seconds of my life standing in that cemetery outside Kanab.

I feel like this is a copy of a something I recently read, a too conveniently similar idea as expressed by someone else. It's not a copy, it's a coincidence.

I got it from my pianist Joe Zawinul

I have a couple of introductions I need to make. And by a couple I literally mean two, and fortunately I can do them both at once. The first is my new laptop. I went ahead and spent my economic stimulus (ha) before I received it, which I'm pretty sure is a really wise financial habit. Sorry to geek out about a computer so much, but it really is exciting to me, for lots of reasons. I'll mention a few. I finally have (stolen) internet at home without having to carry my work laptop back and forth all the time, and it even works on the couch! Not just up against the window by my bed! Also it has an HDMI output which means I can plug it into my TV and watch things from it in big screen high definition, whoa. It came with a remote control, which, maybe every laptop does now? I have no idea, but I think it's way too awesome. Finally, there is a webcam, so you can expect to see a lot more pictures of my face with various parts of my apartment in the background. I'm sure those will be thrilling for everyone. All right, maybe not so much, BUT! It will allow me to present to the world all my friends and lovers, starting with the #1 person on my list and in my life, this guy:
This is my nephew, Kyle. Apparently he is nothing but trouble. And likes to eat cookies. I realize that most everyone who reads this here weblog also reads that of my brother and sister-in-law, and so you are already well acquainted with his utter adorability, but for the few who are strangers to Brad & Tiffany, soak it in. He. is. awesome. This actually isn't the best picture ever of Kyle, he's kinda wonky-eyed, but I love how into that cookie he is. He's not messing around there. There's no time for posing for pictures. There is a cookie to consume.

Hey Mom there's some of my ceiling, do you miss it?

Let me know if you want an Obama '08 sticker for your car. Especially if you want a "Republicans for Obama" one. I will be so pleased to hook you up with that.

I've never said 'geek out' before; Jenna Fischer made me do it.

into the future

This morning a woodpecker was pecking away on my chimney. It came in short bursts of staccato, like I was either under gunfire or receiving an urgent message in morse code. I think I don't have to tell you that this was an incredibly annoying event, especially to be taking place before my alarm clock went off. He just kept pecking and pecking, not giving up, determined to build his new nest (is that why woodpeckers make holes? I don't know) in my chimney.

The thing about my chimney, though, is that it's made out of metal.
What an idiot.

Before this morning, yesterday to be specific, I was on a walk (from my office to my car) and noticed a girl in front of me eating a banana. It looked to be just the perfect ripeness, and I was quite jealous of her, as I was in the mood for an afternoon snack and bananas are quite possibly the world's perfect food. Just ask Miss Chiquita. So I kept close on her tail, lest she be struck by a sudden desire to share (sharing is caring), but she decided on a different course of action instead. Right in front of my eyes, she dropped the peel of said banana right in the middle of the sidewalk. At first I was bothered--who would so carelessly toss their garbage right to the ground as soon as it is inconveniencing them, despite the presence of a perfectly functional trash can not twenty feet ahead? But then I had a second thought--maybe she's not a litterbug. Maybe she's just a student of comedy. If cartoons and Mario Kart have taught us anything, I think it's that there is little in life funnier than somebody slipping on a discarded banana peel. I'd like to think that after nonchalantly walking a few more steps away, the girl hid behind some bushes giggling to see someone fall prey to her clever trick. Man, just thinking about that possibility makes me laugh. I mean, look at this image! Hilarious! It even looks like she got one of those jerks from the business school!

Note: Contrary to popular belief, not every male business student at BYU is a jerk. I'm lookin' at you, Kirk.

your new bicycle

Reason #287 for my hatred of America's health care: the 806 more dollars I suddenly owe for stuff that went down over six months ago.

Somebody please fix this broken system.

industry!

I've got a thing or two to discuss with you, Utah.

Item 1: Traffic. So you finally recognized what we've all known for ages, that the traffic in Utah Valley has gotten absurd. Apparently you thought the answer to this was installing a metering light at the Orem Center Street entrance to I-15. One car per green, eh. That's sure to clear things right up. I'm not sure about the status of University Parkway, 800 North, and 1600 North's entrances. I know Provo Center Street has remained intact. I was pretty annoyed about having to pause before I merged the other day, but really it's just an indication of a problem that was already there, nothing that new. But is this really the best solution you could come up with?

Item 2: Ice cream. Seriously, residents? You can keep Leatherby's, Cold Stone, Baskin Robbins, Coney's, the Malt Shoppe, Hogi Yogi, Provo Fro-Yo, Dairy Queen, the Creamery, and Sub Zero in business, but you cannot sustain one little Ben & Jerry's? Don't you know this was the best ice cream you had going for you? Now this one I feel some personal responsibility for. I won't lie, there have been times when I've thought, "man, a scoop of Sweet Cream and Cookies with hot fudge sure sounds delicious right now," and haven't acted on that impulse. Shame on me. I should have never failed you, Ben & Jerry's. I'll never forget the joy you brought to my life when you opened up within walking distance from my apartment at a time when I didn't have a car. I'm sorry my loyalty wasn't strong enough. I should have been in line every week. But to an even greater extent, shame on Utah County for apparently opting for any other of the multitude of ice cream shops here over the one that was clearly the best, and is now gone.

Item 3: D-League basketball. Sorry Utah Flash, but I'm not sure your best marketing is in flaunting how Morris Almond used to be in the NBA, and now he plays for you. League leading scorer though he may be, it still puts far too much emphasis on his demotion. You might as well put up a billboard that says, "These guys are worse than the basketball you already know and love! Come check them out!"

You can go ahead and get back to me when you've come up with viable responses to the above matters. I know you've got it in you, you can work like honeybees after all. Let's keep our deseret lovely.

whoa whoa whoa whoa

World, check this out:

Rare White Killer Whale Spotted

(too excited to keep talking)

wal-mart baby

This was the coolest thing that happened today:Yeah, totally awesome day. I couldn't even fully appreciate this odometric phenomenon because it just reminded me of a really terrible movie, one which is easily confused with an equally terrible movie that came out the year before. Not the high points of Natalie Portman's career, lemme tell ya.

Over the course of the past few hours, I have progressed from "I think I'm starting to get a cold" to "I am sick and probably going to die by sundown." I know I could have taken some Airborne®, but I don't trust schoolteachers to create my medicine. Give me a scientist or a doctor, please.